what my wisdom tooth made me realize about relationships

I’ve been delaying getting my wisdom tooth out for months. I was telling my friend about my apprehension a few weeks ago, and when I admitted to her that I was scared, she said:

“haha really? why? everyone gets their wisdom teeth out. It’s no big deal”

“I know, but I won’t have anyone to take care of me after”

Um, I beg my pardon?

Immediately I felt ashamed. I pride myself on being a strong independent woman.  I love that I can take care of myself… but damn, is it wrong to want to have someone spoon feed me ice cream because I’m  doped up on Novocain and can’t navigate the spoon to my mouth?

The thought of someone taking care of me makes me feel guilty. Wrong. Unnatural.

In reflecting on past encounters with men, I realize that I emit a very masculine energy. I feel uncomfortable when they open the door for me. I feel compelled to lead the conversation. I offer to pay. If it’s a second date, I insist on paying. Being taken care of is foreign, and I think a large part of why I’m single is because I don’t allow myself to be taken care of. Why? Because if I don’t rely on someone else to care for me (or about me), I can’t get hurt… right?

It does make sense in theory, but perhaps there’s an alternative.

Until now I’ve failed to see that there’s a difference between relying on someone to care for me and allowing them to care for me. The latter, of course, being a byproduct of caring enough about myself to recognize that I’m worthy of that attention from someone else….which is something I continue to strive towards every day. It’s commonly said that “you can’t love someone else until you love yourself”, but more than that – I think you can’t allow someone to love you until you love yourself.

….and as far as my wisdom tooth debacle, it I found myself confronted with three options:

a.) Find a man

b.) Keep my wisdom tooth and battle gum infections for the rest of my life until all my teeth fall out and the only person spoon feeding me greek yogurt is a nursing home aid named Doris.

c.) Suck it up. Get my wisdom tooth out. Take care of myself. Pray that I have someone to take care of me when I start popping out babies. (and hope that that will be the natural progression of things).

option c for the win. 

If you take a girl to Whole Foods…

One of my favorite childhood books is “If you Give a Mouse a Cookie”.  Over the years, the author has generated an entire series of “If you give…” and as I was browsing around Whole Foods on Saturday to stock up on soft food essentials for my wisdom tooth extraction, I felt inspired to write up my own story to add to the lineup.

wholefoods

If you take a girl to Whole Foods, she’s going to want to spend money…

If she wants to spend money, the first place she’s going to go to the organic produce section and stock her cart with $25 worth of organic kale.

If her cart is stocked with $25 worth of organic kale, she’s going to realize how much she doesn’t feel like buying / massaging / cooking / whatever the hell else you have to do to kale to make it moderately tolerable, and decide she wants ice cream instead.

If she decides she wants ice cream, she’s going to take stock of the ice cream selection.

While she’s taking stock of the ice cream selection, she’s going to have to consult google to see if she should do dairy free, or sugar free, or no fat, or full fat.

If she takes out her phone to consult google, she’s going to remember that she wanted to have someone take a picture of her next to the Whole Foods sign out front so she can post on Instagram ( #sundayfunday #wholepaycheck #haha #monkeywithhishandoverhiseyesemoji )

If she wants to have someone take a picture of her next to the Whole Foods sign out front, she’s going to want to be holding a green smoothie that she probably isn’t going to drink.

If she’s going to have to wait in line to order a green smoothie that she probably isn’t going to drink, she’s going to realize it might take a long time.

When she thinks about how long it might take to wait in line to order the green smoothie, she’s going to realize that she really needs a new watch.

When she realizes she needs a new watch, she’ll buy her $25 worth of organic kale, pint of fat free, sugar free vanilla ice cream and full fat extra sugary coconut milk ice cream (because #omgcoconut ), and then head to the mall to buy a watch.

Because if you take a girl to Whole Foods, she’s going to want to spend money :) 

Your turn! What everyday scenario would you turn in to a “If you…” story? 

What was your favorite childhood story? 

standing on my feet (instead of my head)

You know how they say “when it rains, it pours”? Damn. It’s been a full blown tsunami around these parts.

(actually the weather in FL been really beautiful, but now I’m just annoying #sorrynewengland).

Metaphorically though, life has been a little overwhelming, which is why I’ve been a little MIA around the social media world.

I’ll spare you the “omg feel bad for me” details (I save those for my mom), but – in short – the past few weeks have included a herniated disc in my neck, potential tumor scare, the acquisition of way too much baseless medical info via WebMD, and an infected wisdom tooth. Buuuuuut I really dig silver linings and firmly believe that all of life’s shortcomings are intended to teach us something, so I’ve spent some much needed time meditating on what I need to take from all of these shitty circumstances.

Being in and out of so many doctor’s appointments evoked an all-too-familiar sense of anxiety and fear that I faced years ago as I worked towards regaining my health. Though the purpose of these doctor’s appointments were different, the sentiments and lessons learned were the same: I only have one body, one life, and I need to dedicate each and every day to ensuring that I’m taking optimal care of it.

I’m proud to say that mentally I’m at a much more open place to accept and enforce this lesson, and I’ve made some radical shifts in certain lifestyle habits to ensure that I’m nurturing my mind and body.

and now, despite swollen cheeks, nagging pain in my gums, and an unfortunate order from the doctor to stop standing on my head…bwheadstand

I’m ready to start standing firmly my feet.